As if the Marlins aren't suffering enough,
now these poor kids are going to be subjected to an anal-retentive
control freak named Joe Girardi.
According to this low-hitting catcher,
it's more important for the Marlins to look like the pre-1999
Cincinnati Reds than anything else.
"To me, the idea is to look professional.
I understand it's important for players to have their
own style, and I don't have a problem with that. But I
want players to look neat and clean. I want players to
look neat and responsible."
Now what is wrong with that paragraph?
He says it's important for players to have their own style
on one hand but then says neat and clean. Totally contradictory.
OK, wearing neatly trimmed facial hair can be neat and
clean. But to Girardi, that's tantamount to being irresponsible?
Were the 1997 and 2003 Marlins irresponsible?
Wow…I guess those '72-74 A's teams that won the World
Series…they were irresponsible. And that Rollie Fingers…of
handlebar mustache fame. Would Girardi have REFUSED to
catch him? And look at Bruce Sutter. Guess Girardi would
have boycotted catching him. Did it IRK him that his pals
on the Yankees were beaten in the post season by teams
that allowed facial hair, the Marlins being one of them?
Even his idol George Steinbrenner allows
mustaches. I laugh at the sentence "I understand it's
important for players to have their own style, and I don't
have a problem with that." Girardi's hypocrisy shows right
through. He doesn't have a problem with a player's own
style…just as long as it's Joe Girardi's style.
"I want players to look neat and responsible.
Maybe it's old school. But it's kind of neat when people
are always clean, and I like it."
Wonder if Girardi ever heard of the turn-of-the-century
teams? Has he seen pics of them? Weren't they "old-school"?
And has he forgotten that in 1997 the Marlins won the
World Series under the leadership of Jim Leyland? Has
he ever seen pics of Leyland in a Marlins uniform? Would
Girardi have REFUSED to play for the Marlins in '97 because
Leyland has a mustache?
Would Girardi have DEMANDED a trade if
he played for the 72-74 A's? "I don't want to play for
a team that has mustaches!" Let's see…in the bigs, he
was managed by Jim Essian when he was with the Cubs and
Don Baylor when he was a Rockie. Two guys with mustaches.
"I don't want to play for a team that has a manager that
has a mustache!" Sounds crazy, but somehow I can see Girardi
saying it.
"Kind of neat when people are clean." I
have a beard…I shower. I use deodorant. Guess I still
wouldn't be clean. Wonder what he thinks about Abraham
Lincoln.
"You have a responsibility of what you
look like," he said. "You find out which players want
to be disciplined in the little things. And if you can
be disciplined in the little things, a lot of times you
can be disciplined in the big things."
Really? Is being clean shaven going to
improve play on the field? Is Dontrelle Willis going to
win 30 games without a mustache? And of course he uses
the "D" Word: Discipline. Note to Girardi: You're managing
the Marlins, not being a DI at Parris Island.
But we may have discovered why Girardi
is so anal-retentive about mustaches. Supposedly when
he was with the Cubs, he tried to grow a goatee. His wife
ordered him to shave it and Girardi wimps out and shaves.
AHA! NOW we know who is running the Marlins…Mrs. Girardi!
Mrs. Girardi must be telling him Joe to make the players
shave. Is she going to dictate the starting lineups as
well?
Whereas Girardi looks like he could be
a hit man for the Sopranos (for some reason the image
of Joey "The Pitbull" Girardi whacking somebody crosses
my mind) another Joe also making his managerial debut,
Joe Maddon, is a complete 180 degree opposite from Joey
Pitbull. Maddon is a guy who is more concerned what happens
on the field than what is growing on a person's face.
Just watching him at the Naimoli Complex,
you see a guy who knows baseball but also knows how to
keep things loose. Something tells me that over in Jupiter,
the opposite is true. Is it a coincidence that after Girardi
was named manager that Josh Beckett (beard) and Mike Lowell
(goatee) were traded? And I have a feeling that A. J.
Burnett and Girardi would have clashed.
This what would have happened if I was
a Marlin. I would not shave. I would not cut. I'd let
Girardi give me crap. I'd take out my checkbook and say
"how much?" If he went ahead and benched/suspended me,
I'd say fine and publically demand a trade, more so the
better if I were a 10/5 man. After that happened, if the
team I was now with played the Marlins, I'd take pre-game
without a cap and ponytail out, my hair flying in front
of Skinhead Joe (hey, maybe that's a reason why he's so
anal-retentive).
All it will take is one complaint to the
MLBPA. Girardi's policy would be gone.
They better airbrush facial hair off those
old photos of Marlins past. Better airbush Rene Lachemann's
long locks out of photos. Same with Leyland's mustache.
I'd offer Girardi rebuttal time, but since
I have a beard, he probably wouldn't respond to this article…
