ST. PETERSBURG - Just call me Carnac the Magnificent.

 

That is the character the late Johnny Carson used on the Tonight Show where he dressed up like a swami, put an envelope to his head and answered the question inside.

 

His sidekick, Ed McMahon, would repeat each and every answer eventually prompting Carson to come up with a pointed quip toward the end of the skit.

 

I have no punchline, however, I did have something to say in my last offering about the tenure of one Pat Riley and a solid reason why he should step down as head coach of the Heat.

 

Well you could have knocked me over with a feather when less than 24-hours after this column hit the net, the news broke on Riley that he indeed stepped down to return to the front office and then naming some guy named Erik Spoelstra to take his place.

 

At this point, Spoelstra has job security because Riley didn't want to tarnish his Hall of Fame resume any further, especially following a 15-67 season. The new guy has one star and a bench of empty basketball suits, one reserved for a Lottery Pick in the upcoming draft.

 

Spoelstra can muddle along with 25-30 wins and probably get an extension even after Dwyane Wade takes a powder to some sane organization that isn't run on ego and hair gel.

 

Just one word of advice to the new coach. Don't make the team competitive while Can't Stand Pat is around. You might find yourself on the unemployment line like Stan Van Gundy.

 

Leopards don't change their spots, especially if he can add another ring on the back of someone else.

 

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• Rays fans, you asked for it, you got it, so now what? Will you finally use MapQuest and get directions to Tropicana Field? The team is winning, so there are no more excuses. Or is St. Petersburg still to far away for those who live in St. Petersburg?

 

• Did you honestly think the Buccaneers could go through this draft without taking a quarterback? Josh Johnson could click off the names of the others at his position on the team but he forgot one - Jake Plummer. What happens if he comes out of retirement?

 

• I love Tom Jones of the St. Petersburg Times but when is he, and other scribes in Tampa Bay for that matter, going to get over Josh Hamilton. Sure he would look nice in right field right now but the Rays took a chance, exposed him in the Rule V Draft and was taken. Hindsight is 20-20 but if he wasn't picked he would likely be still working his way up the food chain in the organization. At least Josh has done one thing. No one is talking about Bobby Abreu any more.

 

• Note to Steve Duemig of Tampa's WDAE-AM. The Buccaneers are still not for sale.

 

• How refreshing is it to hear those teeth chatterers at ESPN talking about the Rays in positive terms? Now if we can only get them to take a refresher course in geography.

 

• With Jon Gruden's playbook the size of the Bhutan, maybe the fetish with quarterbacks has something to do with completing it before the head coach's career comes to an end. After all, there is this misconception that QB's are the smartest guys on the field.

 

• Speaking of smart ones, no one is mentioning Joe Maddon. The skipper took some heat for the way he guided the Rays through the first two years but he is not one of those "book" guys. He has twice taken a pitcher out after warming up to start an inning thus giving the bullpen extra time to warm before getting out the hook. Each time it worked to perfection and both happened during the six game winning streak through Sunday.

 

• If the reports are true, Roger Clemens has more to worry about than steroids, the Hall of Fame or defamation lawsuits. An alleged ten-year affair with troubled country singer Mindy McCready tarnishes his family man image but what about the statute of limitations on sexual relations with a 15-year old?

 

• The hottest rumor in Tampa Bay centers on the head coaching job of the Lightning. Word is, John Tortorella could be out and ESPN's Barry Melrose is in. Melrose has the most famous mullet this side Billy Ray Cyrus so do you think the Bolts will grow hair instead of the traditional beard if they make the playoff next year? Rogaine anyone?

 

• If the Yankees' Jorge Posada must have surgery, how long will it be before Brian Cashman contacts the Rays' Andrew Friedman about the Mike DiFelice?